OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
