ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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