I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
