I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
