Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
