Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
