They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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