He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
