I want to make a zoo with you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
