So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
