Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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