i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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