Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
