My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
