she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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