non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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