It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
