I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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