i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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