the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
