I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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