I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
