While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
