where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
