why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
