I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
