The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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