I hope mine doesn't look like that
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
