JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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