I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
