Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
