respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
