Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
