my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well most of my day revolves around power hour
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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