So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
