im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you never un-have a 4some
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
