I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
