She is in my trunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
