so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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