It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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