Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
