I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
