We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
