I want to make a zoo with you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
