I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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