i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
