I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dignity is for republicans.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
