Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
meet me or not, i'm out of control
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
