I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
