Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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