you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
