if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
