If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
