I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
