do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
